Monday, May 30, 2005

Doing Better

--I went to the doctor on Thursday, because I was still sore and hurting. He checked me over, questioned the accident, scolded me since I hadn't seen anyone until then, and puzzled over why I had no bruises especially a seatbelt bruise. He gave me some Mobic, which is an anti-immflamatory, and Darvecet, a strong pain killer. I have been doing much better, still sore but not nearly as bad. Thank you Lynlee for keeping up with me, checking up on me, and still reading my posts, even though I haven't been posting since the accident. I just hurt too bad to sit up, let alone sit at the computer for any length of time.

--My friend had her baby. Kaida weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 19 inches, from what I heard. She was in labor for 10 hours, and both are healthy. I will post a picture as soon as I get one.

--I am off to pack and get ready for my trip to Ohio!! Yay! I'm excited, I'll be gone all week, so I can't write and keep up, but I'll be sure to update when I return! :oD

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Still Sore

-Geeze, I thought I would be better by now, and actually thought I was feeling better yesterday. So I called my work up and asked if I could come in today to work. Sure, 10-6pm, no biggie right? Wrong. I was there until 1pm and thought I was going to burst into tears cause I started hurting so bad. I started shaking and losing feeling in my left arm. So, I made a doctor's appointment for as soon as they could get me in which is tomorrow at 2pm, and tried to go to the Gym, thinking that maybe I could sit in the steam room and loosen the muscles, maybe swim a little to stretch them, and sit in the whirlpool to relax a little...the steam room was nice, yes..but the swimming didn't go so well. I did a couple of laps and then couldn't move my left arm very well. And to top it all off, the whirlpool was not hot at all, it felt like lukewarm bath water. So I just came home.

--A little tid bit of good news. When I started going to the Gym, I weighed 315lbs, now after being a member for a month, I weighed in at 286lbs!! Yay!

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Got to Remember the Good Times

Good times
The people I edited from the bottom picture, I did so because I didn't know if they'd appreciate me putting them on my blog. The bottom one is from when I visited Florida last summer, and the top one is from Morgan's baby shower. My sister Miranda, me and Lynlee. That is when we reconnected, and I'm grateful we did so. I don't know what I would have done after my accident without her. ::sends hugs to Lynlee:: thank you, Love! :o)

Friday, May 20, 2005

Way to Ruin a Weekend

This is my handywork..the pictures don't really do it justice, but you get the idea. :o(
Okay, so I worked on Thursday evening, got off kind-of early for a change. I left the parking lot at about 9pm and was making good time to Wichita. I had just called Lynlee to tell her that I was about 10 minutes away from her house and to put in the pizza, and no sooner had I got off of the phone with her, I saw something big in the road on the left lane (the one I was driving in). At 11:20pm on I-35N I tried to avoid the bump in the road (to which I found out later was a deer), fishtailed in my mother's car, going about 70mph (the actual speed limit if you can believe that), and actually wearing my seatbelt. I tried to get control of the car out of the fishtail, but to no avail. I completely lost control of the car and spun into several 360's (I can't be for sure how many, cause I don't remember much after I started to spin, but it was at least two), all I remember thinking was, "this is it. I am going to die," over and over until I hit the center median. I was so scared. I remember gazing out the windshield, looking into oncoming traffic, fumbling for the hazard lights button, and then fumbling for my phone, all the while muttering, "momma," over and over and shaking so badly all over that I couldn't even hold the phone. I went hysterical...and I do mean the craziest form of the word..I heard my mother's voice and just started losing my mind, literally. She kept asking questions but the words wouldn't form coherent thoughts when I tried to answer her, they just came out as screams and sobs. I moved the car from the center lane to the far right side lane, and realized the tire was flat while still on the phone with my mother and now my sister was trying to translate for them. My mother wanted to know what tire and how bad the damage was, so I got out of the car to see. It was the right back tire, and then I turned around the car to see where I'd hit and fell to the ground hysterical again. Long story shorter, someone passing had called 911, a dumb back-water hick cop hasseled me for current insurance when I'm shaking so bad I can hardly hold the papers or the pen he gave me to write the accident report, and just kept on until my mother got pissed off and gave him the info over the phone, the tow-truck driver didn't know his right hand from his left, and I drove the car home after visiting a short while with Lynlee. I was so scared, and probably more so than I ever remember before. I have been really sore, and hurt all over but I believe otherwise I'm okay. Stacey's Birthday was on the 21st..way to ruin a birthday...I feel so stupid. I should have just let Al come and get me, instead of talking my mom into letting me take her car...::cries::

Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Not much to say for now, just that I am starting to hate my job, I get to see Lynlee and Stacey and Al in 3-4 days (yay!), I might be promoted in my guild on WoW (woo hoo!), and I am so looking forward to Ohio. Oh! and I got an invitation from Mike to go camping this Saturday night (o.O) with him and some friends. I have had plans to go to Kansas for several weeks now though, so I can't and won't break them. Maybe another time, I love to camp and fish.

Friday, May 13, 2005


--Not much to say for today. I've been rather lazy, and after the day I had yesterday, I'd say I deserved it! :oP I didn't go to bed until almost 6am! :oO, got into reading a book and lost track of time. Then I slept in until almost 1. I didn't work so that we could make up for our lost Mother's Day Dinner. Everyone was sick, so we had to postpone. I am getting an ear infection I think, on top of starting to get another bladder or urinary tract infection. Fun Fun. My face is swollen on my right side, I have a knot under the skin where my jaw meets together real close to my ear, and that whole side of my face and jaw hurts.

--I am still talking to Mike, trying to rebuild a friendship...I just can't tell if there is anything else there, since I am seeing Lorr my emotions are tied up with her right now. This is how things went down with me and him once before..He came around while I was emotionally involved with someone else. He just has great timing, heh..I guess that's why he left before too, he thought he didn't have a chance since I was seeing John, but what he missed is that I was breaking things off with John because he lied to me and I caught him, right before he took he kind-of missed his chance then. I guess we shall see if anything happens different this time.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

Sometimes Life Drags..

--:: sighs :: My manager scheduled me to close alone I was irritated. Then the girl I was switching with for tomorrow..he scheduled her to close instead, and she called me today to tell me. I lost it, I was so angry I had a breakdown right there at my register in front of the assistant manager and a customer..I don't even remember the customer, that is how utterly upset I was. And with me, when I get that angry, I cry. Which just makes me even worse, because I get pissed off more because I'm crying and people look at me like "Oh, she's crying like a girl to get her way" when that's not it at all. I'm actually crying because when I'm that angry I have no control over my emotions, and if someone were to get in my face I'd probably knock them flat. Anywho, I was tempted to walk out right then, but my mom talked me out of it. The assistant ended up asking two people to stay and help close though. Neither were front closers, but the two extra sets of hands helped a lot.

--Then while closing a guy that I had had an interest in, and I thought had one in me told me that him and his woman had split. Well we had had a previous conversation once about if that were to happen he'd come my way. Well his coming my way meant he asked me to give him head tonight. I asked if he just wanted a fuck buddy then he said "No, I just wanted a one time thing, something to get my rocks off and go home and sleep" well that ruined that interest in him and killed anything I thought he had for me. Aren't guys just so tactful? At least he was honest about it, I guess that's a positive way to look at it :o/

--Then Mike tells me last night that he wants to pick up where we left off, when he just faded. I ask him where exactly that was, and he tells me that he started likeing me as more than a friend but I was seeing John. So I tell him that I had liked him too, and had stopped dating John about the time he dropped off the planet, so he says, "Major suck on my part." Heh..ya, you could say that. I told him we will just have to basically start over with a friendship and see. I am still seeing Lorr, and I told him that I will not hurt her. I will talk to him, and such. I'm the sucker for

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Found a Picture to Share

I made this cake! Isn't it funny? :o)
I actually made it for a pretend bachelor's cake, and then made one similar for a friend's birthday cake. He is a bouncer at a stripper joint, so I thought it would be appropriate.
--Anywho, I worked today until 5, even though I was scheduled to leave at 3, and tomorrow I am supposed to close on my own..? ::mumbles something about an evil dumb boss who can't schedule worth a damn:: Tomorrow evening should be interesting to say the least.
--After work, I went to Bally's and did my normal routine of Steam Room, Pool then Hottub. It's the reason I joined, I just hope I can keep going, and even start going more often.
--I'm feeling kind-of lonely today too. I was sitting in the warm bubbly water of the hottub, and thinking about how I wish I could spend some quality time with my girl in some warm bubbly water, or watching stars and cuddling, or something else..but living so far away...I don't know what I was thinking. I am attached to her, but I may never meet her in real life. I am a hands on kind of person, meaning I thrive on physical contact: holding hands, cuddling, kissing, things like that..I don't even mean sexual stuff..We'll see what happens.

Talk About Strange..

--Okay, so...I had to close today, during a weekday. I have been doing this job since August, and have never had to close on a weekday before. Turns out, I have to do it again on Wednesday as well...I sure hope he doesn't make a habit of this, because I can't visit the Gym on days I work so late..I am beginning to extremely dislike my manager. We'll see what happens when he is under HIS manager when the store moves to Owasso. Will it be better, or worse? :o/
--So..I also had a blast from my recent past..a guy that I have not spoken to since our Halloween party last year. I met Mike on Personals about the same time I met John (if you've read any of my past posts, you should know who John is). Well, I was seeing John..horrid relationship, summed up on my very first post, and John was jealous of my friendship with Mike. I finally got away and out from under John, and then Mike stopped all contact with me what-so-ever. I was so hurt and confused, because I tried calling and keeping the friendship open, but he just shut me out. Well, this evening I was on my typical WoW run, leaving my Yahoo turned on as usual in case someone wants to talk, when I get the typical *BING* noise I get when I have received an IM. I paused to investigate, and saw a very familiar screenname. First thought to go through my head was, "Why?" He said he had dropped off all contact with most everyone and that he was really sorry. He came out of his shell and paid for personals for a month just to find me again, that he felt like and asshole, and never meant to stop talking to me. I told him that he hurt me by cutting off all associations, and he said he's really really sorry. He still has my number and wants to know if he can call me again. I said yes, because I'm a sucker for repeated chances, and I did like him and would have dated him once I had gotten myself away from John; however, the thought now going through my head is, "If he can just drop everything and go once...can't and won't he do it again?" I extremely value my friendships. I did tell him I had a girlfriend, and showed him the picture on my blog posting. He said she's cute :oD, I agree. hehe.
--I am going to stay with a couple of friends this weekend, then go to an IFGS event on Saturday. It should be fun. Anywho, I need a shower and sleep. I have to work in the morning, heh...

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Oh Geeze..

I've been sick, once again. I started getting sick on Thursday evening, to where I couldn't breathe. Then I vomited before I went to bed. Well, I woke up again at about 4:00am and tossed everything I had eaten that day and more. I hurt everywhere, my head felt like it would split under the pressure and pain, I was running a fever, cold sweats, congested, coughing, not being able to breathe, and body aches. I was sick like that all day Friday, and was still feeling like that Saturday. I went to work, however, because my manager is a whiney dumbass who doesn't understand the concept that when you run a fever, you are contagious to everyone you come into contact with. I'm still feeling kind-of blah, but a little better today.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

I Got It Today

Isn't she cute?!? *grins sheepishly*

--Well, she finally worked up the nerve to send me her pic, and that's her. It took me a little while to figure out how to post the dern thing. Now that I have the capabilities to post pictures, I'm gonna have way too much fun with this thing, hehe. I hope that one day I will be able to meet her. That would be awesome.

Wow, Two Days in a Row..

Maybe I will be able to keep this up again.

--Unfortunately, I didn't get a pic from...we'll call her Lorr, since that is her nickname in World of Warcraft. She is nervous in sending me one, I'm not sure why. She will when she feels up to it. I hope.

--I went to the Gym today, and swam. I joined Bally's in Tulsa, and I am planning to go as often as I possibly can. Since I am finishing this semester tomorrow, I will be able to go after work almost every day. I love the pool, steam room, and hot tub there. I am hoping to maybe lose some of my chunk. I got to thinking one day..if I have this much sex appeal and I'm so fat, what kind of attention would I get if I were thin? *smirks* Maybe that's not really my inspiration for going, but I can kidd.

--I've been getting some really killer headaches lately, and it kind of worries me a little. It doesn't matter what i take, nothing helps. I wonder if it's allergy headaches. Oh! Then I realized something while I was at work today..I had noticed that my asthma inhaler wasn't working when I needed it to, well I found out why. It expired in 2003! O.o I know, a real observant one I am. So I had my mom call the doctor, since I was at work, and ask him to call me in a new perscription. Now maybe it will work when I want it to, heh.

--I've been feeling kind-of shitty lately. Just not myself really. A mutual friend ((Tal)) of what used to be what I once thought was a really good friend of mine ((Tel)) told me that Tel called me an uncaring heartless bitch, and told Tal that he was wasting his time talking to and wanting to be with me. Isn't that nice? I don't even know where the negativity came from..I was never anything but nice to him. *shrugs* who knows? I sure as the hell don't understand. But then again, I never understand how people can be so mean and thoughtless..He had to have known that what he said would have gotten back to me...:o( But we "parted ways" a couple of months ago, and I cried for days about the loss of that friendship, I will not let him get to me like that anymore.

--I'm so looking forward to visiting Kansas again. Stacey has been my best friend for so long, and had been so good to me. Al had been so even longer.

--i'm also going to visit Scott and Crystal the weekend of the 14th, that should be fun too. There is an IFGS event on the 14th, and my sister and I are going to stay with them that Friday night, Saturday night then expect to be home Sunday afternoon.

I need to hit the sack, to try and kill this horrible headache...i send my huggies and smoochies.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

For My Only Adoring Fan...

Okay, I will try to fill in the cracks as much as I possibly can.
--I went to Morgan's baby shower on Friday, it is now Tuesday.
**I Love you too Morgan**
My mother and sister came along, and we drove to Kansas. Morgan said she was okay with me staying at Al and Stacey's new house, since sleeping space was limited at her house, so they came and got me ((A&S couldn't stay because Morgan's mother had a fit after hearing his name. My mother told me after we got home that Amy tried to tell her what a horrible, awful person he was for what he did to her daughter and my mother told her that he'd always been a good friend to me, and never hurt me, so he's got +'s in her book, even though that was the first time she'd even met A or S, haha!)) after talking to Morgan and having dinner of Fried Rice. Mmmm, I love that place. Anywho. At A&S's house they introduced me to a PS2 game called Dance Dance Revolution(DDR). I had so much fun with that! Now I want to get it, I think I could lose so much weight if I had it. Stacey actually played it for a little while at first, and then had to feed her addiction, yes, even though I was there. I love Stacey, I still feel that she is my best friend in the world, but I worry about her addiction to WoW. We don't talk much like we used to, but now I know it's nothing personal, that she's just that way to everyone now. The only reason I worry, is because I've seen what addictions to online games can do to people..
**Stacey, if you read this: I love you, and I just worry about you.**
Anywho. Al sat and watched the rest of the Firefly series with me(I loved it! will own it eventually as well), and I met a friend of theirs, named Andy (not sure if that's how he spells it *shrugs*). We went for food after sunrise, and returned to the homestead. I got no sleep at all, *laughs* made for an interesting day. A&S returned me to Morgan's mother's house for the baby shower, and Al told me he wanted to see me again, as did Stacey. I told them my car wouldn't make it, there's no way, so Al offered to drive to Ok, pick me up, drive back to Ks for me to stay for a weekend, and then drive me home! Isn't that awesome! He's been such a good friend to me...I've known him for 10+ years, and he's not always been a great guy to people; however, he's never done anything wrong to me, or hurt me in any way, always been a good friend to me and I respect him for that. He even said he'd hurt so many, to which I responded, "you've never hurt me." He got quiet, then said, "No, you're right. I haven't. It's because you're just too nice." heh, Stacey says that to me allllll the time.
** I love you too Al**
--At Morgan's shower, I had expected Lynlee and Lisa to be there (girls I hadn't seen in like 3+ or so years). Lisa wasn't there, but Lynlee was. We sat together and talked for a long long time. She was interested in why I was so tired, and I think she put it best what she said in her blog, " I asked if it was anyone I knew - I got the 'I'll tell you but just don't get upset' look and she said she stayed with Stacey. I was confused - Did I know a Stacey? 'Al's fiancee...'" We talked about them, and I so did not want to hurt her or A&S, so I kept it as simple as possible, without getting too much in the middle. I got in the middle of a friendship once, and I got burned for it..I never want to do that again. I got her contact info and have been keeping in contact. I'm impressed. She has grown up, matured and become a much better person than the one I met years ago. "Being a mother will do that to you," she'd said to me. She told me she'd read Stacey's blog, from the comments posted on my blog, and said she seems like a really sweet girl. I told her, "she is, a great person, I'm just sorry you'll never know her the way I do." I will try to be friends with both sides, without stepping on either sides toes. My friends don't have to like each other, right?
--Got home Saturday night, I had only had the one hour in the car to sleep in about 19+ hours. I crashed as soon as I ate. Slept for a little while, then had to do homework. Finals this week and all. Oh so close to my associate's *cries* will take one summer class, and then hopefully will have it.
--My mom said I can borrow the car, and will be visiting Kansas again on the evening of the 19th-22nd.
--OH!! Ohio trip on the 30th, I'm super excited. Off with B-ville German Club to Cedar Point amusement park. Had fun last year, should be fun again. Then there's Vegas in the middle of June, Also excited.
--I met a girl on WoW. She lives in Canada and is 17. We get along really well, and I hope to have a pic of her to post soon. She asked me to be her Girlfriend, I'm just going to say it here cause I'm not sure my family reads this so it can't get back to my mother. Mom's a homophobe, big time. I like her, but I'm worried. I absolutely hate relationships that are long distance, especially ones that I've never even met the person...but we'll see. We talk, have fun on WoW, got a good friend at the very least. Never dated a girl before, so we'll just have to wait and see. I'm afraid I'll hurt her.

Anywho, I've blabbered enough for one night..will catch up more tomorrow!