Thursday, June 30, 2005

As If This Is Something I Didn't Already Know

I took a test that I got off of E's blog, and the results were:

You scored 4 (-52 being completely gay, 0 being bisexual, and 52 being completely straight)
For the most part, you are bisexual. You have a slight preference for the opposite gender, but either gender would suit you. If you are sexually inexperienced, it is possible that this will change after you do some experimenting.

I think the only reason I didn't get a Zero is because I've never actually had any kind of relations with the same sex, besides kissing. Yes, I have kissed a member of the same sex, more than once. Yes, I liked it too. :oP The opportunity just has never come up for anything more to ever happen. I'm not the go get'em type, and for you to find a person of the same sex willing to experiment with you in's like almost non-existent (Main ring of the Bible Belt for those who don't know). Not to mention, I wouldn't do something like that with someone I didn't know. I would rather it be a friend. Just me maybe. But because I feel that way, and I don't have any female friends in Oklahoma, the opportunity probably never will, but I'm okay with that too.
((The Sexuality Spectrum Test written by tall_man_54 on Ok Cupid))


I hate causes so many problems...

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Still Nervous

--I did take my test yesterday. I had to leave my house at 6:30am. YUCKIE!! hehe anywho, the doors opened at 7:30am and there was a line of people. We had to wait for them to direct us to our classrooms, put our phones in a box, and then wait in the classrooms for the teacher to go over the normal blurb before tests like that. You know what I'm talking about, the blah blah blah stuff that says, "do not open your test until told to do so." So the test was alotted 4 hours, and I used every second until they said "time's up." It consisted of about 100 questions and a written 4 page essay over whether you agreed or disagreed that community service should be required for high school students to graduate. Then the actual questions were so...dumb, heh. The reading comprehension took up most of the first half, then the math questions were easy, even for me. Then there was some really strange humanities, science, and even religious questions. I hope I did well, but I will be nervous about it until I get the results.

--I heard something kind-of interesting from a guy I work with. I really get along well with him (but then again, who do I not really get along with in some way?) and he told me that the thought I was Wiccan. I asked him why he thought that and he said that he has quite a few friends who are and usually he can tell by a person's additude and outlook on things. He said that he was sorry for assuming that, but most Wiccans are very self assured and have a generous nature (the ones he knows anyways), and he was just fairly certain that I was one. Then when I told him that I wasn't, he said, "well it wouldn't have surprized me if you'd said you were." lol. I guess that was a compliment, lol.

--I went to the gym on the only day I didn't close (Friday after work) and weighed myself. I have been staying at the 286-288 range and that makes me very excited. It means I'm not only losing the weight, but I'm keeping it off as well! yay! Now I just need to keep losing as well, ::winks:: :oD

Friday, June 24, 2005


I'm nervous. I'm scheduled to take my first Teaching exam tomorrow morning at 7:30am. God I hope it goes well. My nerves are shot from dealing with my WoW stuff and my guild disbanding, and irl stuff with friends that I really worry about and care about. Then I have to turn around and close after I take that test. So, I'll be out from probably 6:30am until after 10:00pm....::sighs:: I am so not looking forward to tomorrow, not in the slightest...:o(

Kool blog worth mentioning, a friend of Lynlee's named Elizabeth. She's cute and has a good sense of humor. Hiya Elizabeth! :o)

Wednesday, June 22, 2005


Today was not such a great day. I worked today, and had to close. That actually wasn't so bad I guess...just another day at work. I play World of Warcraft, and I have some pretty good friends in that game. I meet people that I would probably never meet in real life. I hadn't played in three weeks because I had my accident, went to Ohio, and then Las Vegas. Well, when I returned, the guild I'm in is completely folding slowly but surely. The guy who was nominated Emperor after the old Emperor decided to quit the game is one of those above mentioned friends. He apparently went to some Christian function and got saved and born again and is "cleansing himself of things that lead to sin" and that such. So, needless to say, he quit WoW. For good. Said he had "no interest in such games anymore." That makes me very sad because he was one of the only people who would actually talk to me like nothing else mattered. We used to tease each other about wanting each other and that sort of thing, and now that will be no more. It just seems like I make good friends and they fade away, over and over and over. It makes me so sad because I am loyal once I make friends, and I feel like a tiny part of me goes with them. If they are good friends, a bigger saddness is felt...Like Stacey. I miss her so much, and when I look at the pictures I have of her, I feel like a part of my heart has broken. I haven't heard from her since she got mad at me, and it makes me so sad because I wish she knew how much I miss and love her...I am just at a loss as to what to do. So I am left doing nothing, for fear I will only make matters worse.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Here Are Some Pics I Promised

Everyone meet Kaida! Morgan's new daughter.
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Yay!! I got it Lynlee! Thank you!::hugs::

--I called the Kansas Turnpike Authority, and the woman I talked to said she'd waive the fees I "owed" to the state of Kansas! Yay! That was a huge weight off of my chest.
--A close friend of the family called...Her husband left her in May, but they have been coming over in the same car to our house to keep up pretenses and not let us know they split. They've been married for as long as we've known them (about 22 years) and that's been since I was about 5 years old. My heart goes out to both of them. I know they both have to be suffering.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

Vacation Catch Up

--Okay, so we left Tulsa on Friday evening after all of us got off of work. We drove to Vegas by going through New Mexico, Arizona, the Grand Canyon, the Hoover Dam, and stayed in hotels along the way. Well our van broke down in Gallup, Arizona but we got to see the Painted Desert and the Petrified Forest then whipped by the Grand Canyon at sunset. There had been so many people passing in and out of the GC that it was really smoggy and polluted. I had the scariest Asthma attack I've had yet. I couldn't breathe at all, and started seeing black spots. A little later my aunt told me that my lips had started turning blue and that I scared the crap out of her too. We drove on to Vegas the next morning, and showed up around Monday evening. We had a blast. The first night we're there I slipped in the bath tub, bounce off my rear backwards into the tub and crack my head on the metal soap dish that's a part of the wall. I'm wedged in the tub and my aunt is saying something to me but I can't see and I can't grasp what she's saying. Finally it clicks and I realize that she's asking me if I'm okay and trying to give me a hand out of the tub. My parents call the hotel staff to send someone up to check me out. The hotel security is trained in nursing type stuff and tells me I should be okay, just to stay up for a little while in case I gave myself a concussion. Just really bruised up, but I survived that one too. I lost everything I plugged into a machine, plus all the money my mom and aunt kept giving me to play with; However, my aunt hit a royal flush on a poker machine and won 4000 credits in quarters (adds up to approximately $1000) and that is the best you can get on most video poker machines. My mom also won a jackpot on slots, but I'm not sure how much she actually got. I think it was $300-$400. We saw the Knight's Tournament show at the Excaliber.

This is us having fun at the Excaliber Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada. From left to right on the bottom row is me, my sister Miranda, my Mom Jina, and a my friend Brian's wife Val. On the top row from left to right is my Dad Pete, my aunt Paula, and my friend Brian.
--So we leave Vegas and break down once again in St. George, Utah. The mechanic says it's a blown rear seal and will take 6-7 hours, after he bumps everyone else out of the way to help us. So we're stuck in St. George for 2 nights, but we had a lot of fun anywho. We rented a 2005 Ford Expedition and went to Zion and Bryce Canyons, I will post pictures of them and the trip when I develop the pictures. On our way back to our hotel we stopped at a little gift shop to use facilities and look around. I had put one of those rings made of stone on my thumb to try it out, but when I tried to remove it the thing snapped in two and sliced open my other thumb. I was bleeding all over everything, so much so that it was running down my hand and pooled up in my other hand and still dripping on the floor. The guy at the counter was just standing there and then said, "Looks like you broke it." After reassuring him that I would pay for the broken object and still bleeding over everything he went and got his wife. She was really friendly, assured me that it was fine, that I didn't have to pay for the ring, and bandaged me up. After leaving there we went on a scenic route up 9900 Ft above sea level and saw snow!! It was about 102º when we started up and was 49º-51º when we got to the top. The snow was everywhere and was at least waist deep, it was awesome. Probably the only snow like that I'll ever see this year. We stayed in St. George, retrieved our van, and returned the rented vehicle. On our way home we crossed the Colorado River and Vermilion Cliffs. I didn't get pictures unfortunately, but they were the most vibrant colors in rock that I'd ever seen, it was beautiful. Then the long long drive home.
--We finally make it home and I am so happy to be home. I had fun, but coming home is always so nice. There was a letter on the table addressed to me from the Kansas Turnpike. My heart sank. I opened it and it said that I owed $300 to the state of Kansas for damages to their wall! So then I was depressed. I log on to check my mail, tell people I'm home, and chatter to get my mind off of things. I IM Stacey to ask how she's doing and how things are, since I hadn't really talked to her in a long while. If any talking happens between us anymore, I have to instigate it. She is really angry because she finally reads my blog after more than 6 months and makes her way to Lynlee's blog. I just can't understand why she is so dead set against Lynlee. I love them both, but I'm trying to not get involved with the situation between the 3 of them. So I ask Lynlee why she was so upset and angry because I hadn't read her blog yet since I had just gotten home. Then Stacey gets really mad at me because I was talking to Lynlee about how she was upset and that I had no right to talk to Lynlee about her. How is that any different than Stacey asking me why Lynlee wants to know about her, why she got her hopes up when Al said "I might," or questions like that that Stacey has asked me about Lynlee? Why is it okay for Stacey to want to know about Lynlee and me telling her, but it's not okay for Lynlee to be curious about the girl Al changed for, settled down with, and is happy with? If the questions got too deep or I felt like it wasn't my business to tell them, I would tell them both that it wasn't my business and that was just between the 3 of them. I think she got upset that Lynlee and I have become good friends, but if she had really read my blog like she said she did, she would have seen that I still love her, worry about her, wish she would wake up and realize that she was pushing me and our friendship away, and that I have tried and tried to keep that line open for her but she just keeps trying to close it. I even tried to tell her that last night, but I still don't think she heard me...she was so angry with Al for haveing talked to Lynlee and not telling her about it. I asked her, "did you ever stop to think that maybe he didn't tell you because you would act like this?" and she tried to tell me that she wouldn't have been as pissed off as she is now. I don't believe that. She got very pissed off and angry when I showed her the pictures of Lynlee and Pax that she asked to see. I'm just at a loss to be honest...I want so badly to have the friendship with Stacey that we had while she was in Florida, but I just can't help but feel that my usefulness was used up. I was the only friend that came to visit her, that called on a regular basis and especially after those horrible hurricanes to check up, and tried to be there for her for whatever reason; However, ever since she moved back to Kansas she hasn't called once, every time I'd ask for a contact number or address she wouldn't answer for a long while, when I visited her while I was there for Morgan's baby shower she visited for a few hours and then was glued to her computer and the World of Warcraft game and stayed in her computer room (even closed the door once) almost the rest of the time I was there, Al and a friend of his had to keep me company, and she used to send me what I used to call "get happy" cards. Just little pick-me-ups that used to make me feel so good, cause I knew she was thinking about me...she hasn't done any of that stuff.
--Hopefully my week gets better..

Thursday, June 09, 2005


--I am so irritated..I closed the last two nights and then have to leave straight from work Friday to leave for Vegas..well I had intended on saying my goodbyes for the next week to my friends on Yahoo and WoW, but my computer is not hooking up to the internet at all. I can't do WoW, Yahoo, check my mail, now I leave tomorrow and I can't say my goodbyes. ::cries:: Since you are the only one that reads this that I'm aware of, I love you Lynlee, and I will try to call you when we make it to Vegas.
--I have been feeling lonely lately, and I can't do what I used to do when I was feeling lonely...I used to hop in my car for a weekend and visit Morgan or Lisa, but now I don't have a car..Hopefully I will get to see my Lynlee-Lady around the first or second week in July. She is planning to hopefully make it this way with Pax. I wish Stacey and Al would come and visit as well....I haven't even talked to them since I returned from Ohio. I've seen her online, and even on WoW...but not a word. She's busy I guess, but I can't help but feel our relationship slipping. That's a very sad thing for me, because I value my friendships. I don't get many of them, so when they die it's like a part of me dies with it...but my saving grace, the opening of a new window after one had closed if you will, is that Lynlee and I are becoming very good friends (at least that's the way I was seeing it, if you feel differently Lynlee I need to know).
--Well, I'm off. I won't be returning until Saturday or Sunday. Hopefully I'll have pics to post. :oD

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Playing Catch Up

--I was in Ohio all of last week, and was at an amusement park called Cedar Point. I learned a valuable lesson....serious whiplash and rollercoasters don't mix...:o( I gave myself one of the worst headaches I have ever had in my lifetime. It started Wednesday evening after spending about 9 hours in the park and didn't go away until yesterday. It was awful riding on a 13+ bus drive with what amounted to the worst migrane I have ever experienced. I had a blast otherwise. I got to ride a coaster that I could not ride last year when I went due to weight restrictions. That was exciting. I also got to do so many water slides because our hotel had a built-in waterpark. Yay me!

--Lorr and I are no longer a couple..she got pregnant and could not remember who the father was. Then aborted it..but that's not why I pushed her away..I was getting too attached to her, and with her living so far away...::sighs:: I just did what I'm good at, and pushed...

--I have some really good pics to post, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to post more than one at a time..