Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Day After

Yesterday I went for my Pessary fitting. SM, the doctor, insisted that the pain I feel has nothing to do with my prolapses. That sex should not hurt or be uncomfortable at all, and if it is, then there is something else wrong. Again I say: How on Earth do you expect a man to understand that your partner's junk pushing against your bladder and banging right up on your cervix actually hurts? How can they understand that your organs hanging down where they aren't supposed to be is uncomfortable and painful? I bet if he had organs hanging out his bum, he'd go get it fixed right away. I just can't take dozens, if not hundreds, of other women's stories of suffering with the same exact problems as total bs and it's sad to me that a physician who's specialty is pelvic floor issues can't understand my complaints...He said that whoever told me that the hyster would fix my pain problem was misleading me, and that the only thing it would fix is mentral cramping pain. To not get my hopes up... that my rant is over, on to the visit. SM told me that the Pessary is like crutches, it'll be useful until I can get a permanent fix and I can use it until I'm ready. Well..I think that means that the surgery is inevitable, it will eventually need to happen, and this is just prolonging when I have it. He also said that the only reason he doesn't just jump straight into surgery, is because I'm so young and the bladder repair will only last a minimum of 10 years. Well...I'm in the frame of thinking that I just want to get it over with, get healed up, and return to some form of normalcy in my life. Because right now, it is definitely not normal. If I have to have the bladder repair again in 10 years, who knows what will change between now and then. Maybe it will stay in place for the rest of my life, maybe it'll fall again in 5 years, maybe 10 years from now my situation will be different to where I would be more willing to wear a Pessary...who knows? I just want to get this taken care of and put it behind me.

The Pessary itself is...well...uncomfortable. It is difficult to describe, but if you (as a female) were to insert a hard, plastic, rather large tampon and keep it there for a week, that is probably as close as I can come. I started out with a painful pelvic pressure that felt similar to labor pains, but with the Pessary it is a different feeling pressure. Yesterday I had the overwhelming pressure and sensation that I needed to have a BM. Today it's not as bad. I think that I might actually feel a little better, not in so much pain with a different kind of pressure. Hopefully by tomorrow I will feel a bit better, and just keep going up from there. Then I can hopefully get the surgery scheduled when I go back on Wednesday, use the Pessary until I have the surgery, and be on the road to recovery. I really don't want to be in recovery for Thanksgiving and Christmas season...


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