Another Birthday

Yep...today is my birthday...I'm 28 today. Now what?
I don't know what else to say...I'm just depressed. I have been for some time, and it's just getting progressive as the year goes on. I'm ready for the year to just go on with it...

Good News

I'm okay!

It's the best news I think I've ever heard. The nurse called me today and told me that all the tests they ran on the polyps and the colon tissue came back normal. No cancer! She said that I won't have to do it again for 10 years, instead of 5, unless I start having problems again.

Yay!

Updates

It's been such a long time since I've written anything...

I want to explain a little.

I've had a lot on my mind with my health...I was dealing with almost daily heartburn, nausea and vomiting, and frequent diarrhea. It was really starting to take a toll on my mental and emotional well being. During one particularly bad spell, my mom finally talked me into seeing a G.I., the one that she saw when she had a tear in her stomach, to see if there was anything actually wrong. I had to call my doctor to get a referral, just for my insurance to cover the visit, then I had to call and make an appointment. It took nearly a month for them to get me in.

I was so afraid of him just telling me what I've heard before, not really listening to what I had to say, and telling me that I'm fine and to get over it...the last time I heard all of that, when I finally got a doctor to listen to me, they diagnosed me with PCOS, so I was slightly vindicated in knowing I was right and the others were wrong; However, I was still afraid of hearing that stuff over again for different reasons.

When I did finally get to see the G.I., he did a quick visit, and then left me and Roger in the room for over an hour. I finally got tired of waiting, left the room and asked the nurse what was going on. She left to ask him what was going on, came back and told me that he was done with me, but didn't tell her, so she didn't know we were ready to go...Great first impression, right? They gave me a medication to try out, and made appointments for upper (endoscopy) and lower (colonoscopy) scopes.

Almost a month later, my appointments were around the corner, and I was totally stressed out and actually scared. It's a minor operation, and I hadn't been put under like that since my tonsils when I was like 4.

So! Up to Wednesday: I had to start a clear liquid diet, with no red dyes. I tell you what...you get real sick of jello when that's pretty much all you can eat! I digress. Starting at 7pm I had to drink 1 Liter of a medication called Moviprep 8 ounces at a time, every 15-20 minutes. It's like a salty version of Pedalyte, and if you've never had that, or don't remember what it tastes like, this Moviprep stuff was sweet and salty with a lemony-like aftertaste, and it was slightly thicker than water. *gags thinking about it* Anywho, it really clears you out. But, if that's not bad enough, 5 hours before the operation/procedure you have to do it all over again! Another Liter, 8 ounces at a time, every 15-20 minutes.

My appointment was scheduled for 10:30am on Thursday, but we had to be there at 9:30am, so I was up at 4:30am drinking the vile stuff again. At this point, I was already cleared out, so I'm just basically flushing the Moviprep straight through. I get checked in and have to wait for about an hour and a half before they take me back, get me changed into the beautiful hospital gown, sit me in a bed, and string me up to an IV with fluids. When they took my blood pressure it was 90-something over 60, which is really low for me, so she gave me some sugar too I think.

Anywho...I sat there, in that bed, by myself until 1pm. They got me prepped and ready by putting me on oxygen and hooking me up to the heart and blood pressure monitor. Last thing I remember is them having me turn on my left side at about 1:30pm and the nurse putting 2 needles into my IV. I woke up at about 3 or 3:30 and my stomach hurting really bad. I was crying and telling them I had to go to the bathroom. They told me I had to wait at least 30 mins before I could go to the bathroom or use a bedpan...I definitely didn't want that, but I thought I was going to pee on myself, on top of being in horrible pain. They were telling me that the pain was the gas that they pumped into the area, and once I pass the gas I'd be fine. I remember trying to pass it, but nothing was moving except my waining ability to hold my bladder in check. They finally let me get up and go to the bathroom, where I finally went pee, and by moving around and getting upright I think allowed me to pass a little of the pressure on my hurting stomach. I think I changed in there too, but I don't really remember much from then. I do remember a few bits and pieces from the procedure, and afterwards...but nothing until after 7pm when Roger woke me up and made me get up to move around a bit and eat something. I hadn't actually eaten anything the entire day, and for the most part all day Wednesday.

The doctor talked to my mom and Roger, because I was in no state to remember much (obviously) and told them that I do have a Hiatal or Hiatus Hernia, which was causing my upper G.I. issues, but they also found two polyps in my colon as well. He removed them, and sent them for testing (biopsy) and I'm to call back in about 5 days to make sure they weren't dangerous. I will have to do this every 5 years or so, to keep up on them, and to make sure I stay clean (ugh!). It's genetic, and if I have them, it's likely that others in my family do too...So, minor lecture *gets on her soapbox*: Get tested! It's a horrible experience, and I'm dreading having to do it again in 5 years..but it sure beats the alternative! *gets off her soapbox*

I'm so glad that I now have a reason for my problems, and with medication, it can be controlled. Hopefully the biopsy results are negative, and I'll be able to rest peacefully again (I hope!). I'm sorry I've been so distant..but I've been dealing with a lot on my mind, and I just don't like to sit and do this when I'm like that, because I ramble and don't feel better afterwards. When I get to this type of mind frame, writing about it actually makes me feel better.

On a different note, me and my family went to Turner Falls for the weekend of Father's day, and we had a lot of fun. If you want to see pics, look at my Myspace page's albums: Turner Falls 2009 (<--dunno if that link works, but I'll try it) We got some good ones!

Second Anniversary

Can you believe it? I sure can't. We've really been married for two years. It's strange though, because it feels like we've been together longer.

His grandmother gave him some money to take me out with, so we treated ourselves to Golden Corral, hehe. We are both stressing a little over money, so we didn't do any gift exchanges.

We visited a Red Box and rented Mirrors and Babylon A.D. after dinner. Mirrors wasn't bad, and B.A.D. was just strange...I think they forgot to add the ending...

but anywho, second anniversary is supposed to be cotton, traditionally, and he says we'll just rain check it for now. We'll see what he comes up with, hehehe.

Overall, it was a good day.

What Do You Think?

I just saw a piece on World News and it got me to thinking. What do you think about legalizing prostitution? Allowing legal brothels to come and set-up shop in any major city near you?

Let me know your thoughts on this matter, and if you don't want to be known, you may post anonny or even e-mail me.

The argument was that it would be another sin tax for the city/state to collect on and of course the obvious, making it legally enforceable to keep the women tested and clean. Do you agree, disagree, not care either way?

Frustration

It's the new year, welcome 2009. What always comes along with the change of a new year? Lose Weight Pushers. Not just on T.V., but on the Internet, in the mail, it doesn't matter. I'm surprised there isn't a "You're Fat" list out there, where LWPs can call to harass you. So, where my frustration comes from:

Have you ever watched the commercials for Gyms, workout videos, diet pills, drinks, shakes, etc.? They almost always have already thin to thinnish people in them. The only ones that have actual overweight people to help sell their plan is the Gastric Bypass or LapBand surgeries. This just makes me want to slap the people in them, not make me want to run out and buy/join their products. What if you aren't ready to go thorough a major surgery and somewhat admit defeat? Almost like you weren't good enough to get rid of it yourself..

So..where does someone who has a problem, is morbidly obese, and desperate for help, start? Do any of these LWPs give you the tools to have somewhere to start or actually help you to know what you can do to help yourself? Of course not...

What if you have other medical issues working against you as well as your size?

What if you have a very limited budget and can't afford expensive programs like Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers? What if you can't afford the expensive pills (that probably don't work anyway) or workout videos (that are so taxing for someone morbidly obese, because they're made for someone who is already somewhat fit)?

What if you don't want to eat the same thing every day, like salads, or just limit yourself to just liquids? What if you really don't eat that much to begin with?

This has been an ongoing battle with me for most of my life. It is so hard for me to talk about, because I get so depressed about it, it's so hard for me to admit that I am just out of control, and the hardest part of all is for me to admit that I need help. Well...I need help...

I was getting into a good routine, and losing weight, once upon a time...then I broke my foot and was immobilized for almost 4 months. I not only gained every bit of the 30-40 pounds I'd worked so hard to get off, but I also gained more. I have problems with my foot now, it aches frequently. I can't stand or walk for long periods of time, before I really start wearing down, and I can't breathe properly because of my asthma...So...I guess my big question is...Where does someone like me start? Where can I go to get the help I so desperately need and want, without the ridicule of someone who doesn't understand my position? I get embarrassed to ask for help, I get embarrassed to ask where to start, I get embarrassed to admit I have a problem...Well, where do I go from here?

Learning New Things

So, it's been some time since my last post and the reason for that being the end of the year is so hectic. Birthdays and holidays, plans for this and that....just leaves us running practically from Thanksgiving on.

Now that that is all out of the way, I can catch up a little. We had a good Christmas, celebrated Eve with Roger's family and then Day with my parents and O and P. We didn't do our Christmas with my family until the following Saturday because M&M were in Texas, and J,S,&M had other family taking the week.

We had lots of good food and company with Roger's family and we made out like bandits. We got clothes, a serving platter, 1 set of sheets with matching comforter, computer games, body washes and lotions, a room diffuser, and money for birthdays.

We exchanged gifts on the 27th and we got hand-me-down dishes from my aunt's hope chest, a Magic Bullet, manly tools, a beautiful necklace and mp3 player from my husband, an awesome necklace set from J&S, money, flash sticks, a roasting pan, a fish net, a silicone pot holder, a new shaver from me, computer game, a Santa, and I finally got my OSU Medical shirt from Miranda.

New Year's was mostly calm. We had only a couple of extra people at my parent's house than we do every Saturday. We played a few cards, drank a little, rang in 2009 and went home.

Slowly but surely, life seems to be returning to a somewhat normal pace...well, for the most part. I was sitting at the laptop in our recliner doing normal computer stuff, and Bella was being particularly aggravating that afternoon. She was driving me and Roger absolutly nuts. Then I kept feeling fuzzy on my foot, and I'd boot it away and go about my business. After a few times of this Roger comes in from the back of the house and shrieks, "Oh Hell!" or something to that extent. I look up at him and ask him what's the problem. He looks at me and says, "Mouse!" I do a little stomach flip and look down. Not even a foot away from my feet, Bella is proudly displaying her catch. I think she was putting it on my feet and saying, "Here Mommy! I caught this just for you!" and when I kept booting it away, she'd get more aggravating. So, needless to say, we discovered we have a little mouser, and she was way proud of herself.

Other than that, and being sick, the New Year has started pretty uneventfully.

Hope everyone else is doing well!