Wednesday, August 31, 2005

::Girly Giggle::

--It's been so long since I had a decent boyfriend that I've forgotten how good and happy it makes me feel. He is such the sweetheart! He tells me I'm beautiful, that he's addicted to me and wouldn't know what to do if we went a day without talking, that he cares more for me than he ever has for anyone else, that he doesn't want to get off of the phone with me and doesn't want me to leave when I'm at his house, he respects me and my wishes about sex (since I don't have it), and he doesn't push the issue and try to talk me, coax me, or guilt trip me into it. He's had many opportunitites to take advantage of me if he wanted to (cause I wouldn't have been able to say no to him at the time ::laughs::) but he maintains. ((I'm taking a moment to ever have something hurt so good? :ob ::touches the bruises on both sides of her neck::)) He gained my trust, and that is a really hard thing to accomplish. He knew that he didn't have my full trust until today (we've been showing interest in each other for about three weeks, dating for about one week) and he was perfectly okay with that. He said he knew I'd give it when he'd earned it and I'd let him know when that was. It's scarey for me because I trust him with me, and that gives him the upper hand in a way and the capabilities to hurt me pretty significantly if he wanted to...he assures me that he won't ever hurt me, and I want to believe him. I said he got the shaft end of the deal because I've been through so much with guys already and I'm emotionally damaged, which makes him have to work twice as hard...he said he felt lucky to find me and to have someone care a lot for him, that I'm worth it. I do care a lot for him, and I feel lucky to have him. He's shy around my family and gaming group, but he said he'd try to warm up around them for me. He was really shy around me for a while but finally warmed up, and now we talk on the phone for 4+ hours if I'm not at his house. Ever heard the song by Nickelback, "Feelin' Way Too Damn Good"? (If you have Yahoo! you can view the video and hear the song here) That's kinda how I feel when I get so happy over someone else :ob. He is just about everything I said I wanted..kind, caring, considerate, will be loyal, likes me for who I am not what I look like, I'm attracted to him (believe it or not I've dated some that I wasn't attrated to, and it's important to be attracted ::shrugs::), and sex is not a major importance.

--Thank you Lynlee for the adorable purple coin purse! I got it in the mail while I was at Roger's house and no one in my family told me I'd gotten it in. ::laughs:: I just found it today on my own. I was just teasing you about wanting one, I thought the one you made was adorable but now I have one of my own!! woo hoo! ::grins:: :oD And by the don't have to thank me for that, lady. You are a really good friend of mine and that's what friends are for.. :o) I am here for you for anything you need, okay?

--My classes are gonna be rough with trying to juggle them gonna be three times a week, dealing with my stupid not healing foot, and a "new toy" (hehe, just teasing you Roger). I will have to make due, I usually do.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Sometimes There Are Good Days Too

Woo woo! I've been having a pretty crazy weekend. Ups and downs, lemme just say. Bad news, good news, bad news...anywho.

--First Bad: I found out Thursday from the specialist that I get yet another 4 weeks in the boot and no work. If it's not better in 4 weeks, I will have to have surgery on it. He wants to go in and put in a screw in the bone to force it to heal together. I was not a happy camper.

--Good: R ((Roger is his name since we're now dating, I have to brag :o) )) asked me to be his girlfriend!! Yay!! I'm happy, I like him a lot and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. I stayed the night with him last night and he was the complete gentleman. I won't go into detail, but I was there all night and all we did was cuddle, hold hands and kiss. :o) It was a great change. I fell out of his bed, and hurt my foot again, but I had a great time otherwise. I will go into more details a little later, when it's not after 7am.

--More Bad: I am coming down with something. I hope to God that I didn't give R anything..I have a sore throat, real stuffy-head and chest, stomach issues. He says it doesnt' matter, and that I'm worth getting sick over, but I still hope that I didn't give him anything. Damn seems sometimes, like I'm never well. My foot hurts considerably again, and I just want that bullshit dealt with first before I go possibly running fevers, and such. :o( Oh well, at least I can whine about it ::laughs:: I'm such a whiner. :oD

Monday, August 22, 2005

And The NSU Saga Begins

--To explain my last post just a bit..some things happen that are just irritating and you just need to scream to get it out of your system. I used to do it all the time in my written journals...I'm not sure why I stopped. No more said.

--I have my first class at NSU today..I've only been to the school once, ever, and I'm a bit nervous. I'm going to go at least an hour early to find the school, and find my class by hobbling with my boot. I figured I can get the books after class so I don't have to find the bookstore before class as well. Two actual teaching classes, so we'll see if this career is for me for sure. That makes me nervous as well. I am not one for change, actually I really don't like going to a new school with unfamiliar locations and very unfamiliar subjects...Well, let's just say that I didn't sleep so well last night.

--I started getting icky cold-like symptoms Saturday evening, and my foot started hurting again last night. I can't wait until that specialist appointment.

--R came over to visit Saturday. First time we had met each other. I was nervous at first, but he locked up after some of my gaming group started coming over. He had dinner with us, and sat with us, but didn't say a word. I knew coming here would bother him (as I said a number of times :ob), but he swore that it didn't bother him as much as I thought it did...I was right ;o). We have been doing better on the phone, though. He doesn't lock up and not speak anymore. I guess I have to be the assertive one...omg, that's a scarey thought! I'll give him some time, I know he'll open up eventually. My gaming group is a big and major importance in my life, so he'll just have to get used to and try to fit in with a big, loud, rowdy and rambunctious group. He didn't even meet the worst ones yet! Brian and Nathan, I love them to death, but they'll scare the bejesus out of him! :ob It may be awhile before he meets Nathan though..Nathan and his wife Terra just had a baby! yikes..I remember meeting him for the first time...I have a pic:

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Awwwww! Baby Camdon! :oD Camdon Gray Alan Turner was born on July 28th. He weighed 8 lbs. 4 oz, and was 19 1/2 inches long.

Uh Oh! Time to go! :oS

Saturday, August 20, 2005

And Life Goes On

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that that is out of my system...Sometimes you just hate the way life throws shit at you...but no more detail than that at the moment...::cries::

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Mmmm...Vanilla Creme Mini Wheats..

--Just thought I'd share my thoughts on that, since I had some earlier. :ob

--My older sister, Jennifer, graduated with her master's and we were going to go to the graduation, but since I broke my foot and wrecked the only car that would have made it...we couldn't make it, to our regrets. She did send us some pictures that I thought I'd share:
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--I really hope the specialist can shed some light on why I still hurt so much, even after almost 5 weeks...I dread taking a shower now...and I am having the hardest time sleeping (if you didn't notice the post time, well after 6:00am), I practically have to drug myself just to sleep.

--R wants to meet in person now, and I have to admit I'm nervous. I get shy and lock up in face to face meetings with new people. I know that may be hard to believe from those that know me well, but it's the truth (I don't know if you can remember back about 4 years ago when you were still pg with Pax, Lynlee (::hugs::), but that's the first time I met you, and I acted that way. I can still remember where it was, and who was there, is that sad? :o) ) Anywho, I think we decided on him coming to my house since I'm an invalid and my wonderful, outgoing, icebreaking mother can fill in the silent spots if we both clam up. :oD Yay mom!

--Update on Tramadol (Ultram), the stuff makes me quite literally high. I've never been high in my life, and it's very very strange for me. It does work, or seems to. Maybe I'm just too high to care, ::laughs::. It works better than the other stuff he gave me, Lortab or Darvecet.

Monday, August 15, 2005

What If They Don't Know...?

--Well, I had a doctor's appointment today to ask some questions about where I hurt, and the painful sensations I've been having. He took some x-rays and actually showed me where the break is, and it's no where near where I'm hurting. I know that doctors don't know everything, but when your doctor tells you, "I just don't understand why it hurts there"....then I start to worry. I have an appointment with a foot specialist on the 25th and he said to just see what the specialist says about it. Until then, I won't be working. Sitting on my rear for another week and a half...:o(

--I've been talking to a real sweet guy, R, for a little while now. He contacted me off of yahoo personals, we exchanged yahoo ID's and started talking. When it comes to trying to make friends, I can be really shy. It is part of me being non-assertive; However, when I chat online, I'm not shy at all and can be who I want to be. It's meeting in person, either face to face or on the phone, that I'll be shy. Well, the funny thing is, he's shy as well. So we just talked online for the longest time and my sister got impatient on waiting for me to tell him my number or him to tell me his, so she booted me off the computer the other night and had a chat with him. She did the bratty sister thing and took over by giving him my cell and home phone numbers. Well, we had a real awkward moment after that and he said, "well, I guess since we're both shy..someone had to step up" and he gave me his number. We've talked on the phone once, and we were both pretty quiet but it seemed to go really well. He sounded different than I thought, he had a deep voice, and sounded pretty cute :o). He said, "It's strange how I feel like we're best friends online, but strangers otherwise..." He seems to like me, and since he contacted me he should be okay with my...busty body style. My mom's first question was, "So he's okay with you being overweight?" Isn't that nice of her? :o/ Anywho, I told him that before he likes me too much, I think we should talk on the phone more often, or actually meet in person and he agreed. I told him that I didn't want to come across as too needy or pushy, cause that's what John and Nick told me I was. I also liked the way things were going real slow, giving us both time to feel each other out (strictly in a mental/emotional sense), get to know each other, and work out a form of trust and friendship.

--I got my vegas pictures developed finally. I don't know why I say vegas pictures, because there aren't any of vegas....::shrugs:: I'll have one of The Grand Canyon, maybe one of Zion Canyon, and a couple of Bryce Canyon scanned and posted as soon as I feel I can make it up the stairs to do so. So it won't be much longer, I hope. :o)

Friday, August 12, 2005

Little Funnies

This sounded kinda fun, I thought I'd tag along.

1. What is your occupation? Part time student, part time retail-Hobby Lobby
2. What color is your underwear? Purple, with circle-dot-things
3. What are you listening to right now? Parents talking, familiar "Brrrrring!" of the yahoo messenger, cats meowing
4. What was the last thing you ate? Hershey's Swoops, Strawberries and Cream
5. Do you wish on stars? When I actually stop to look, Yes.
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Eggplant, I had to try to think of a creative purple color ::shrugs::
7. How is the weather right now? Muggy, hot, cloudy, sunny...yucky!
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Brenda, my workman's comp helper
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? no... I loves her :o), she is my sister afterall
10. Favorite drink? Water, Tea
11. Favorite sport to watch? Bah, sports are too boring
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Haha! It's all natural and straight from the box :ob
13. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Glasses, my allergies won't allow me to stand contacts
14. Pets? 6 cats, 2 dogs, 2 birds and some fish
15. Favorite month? Hmm...I don't really know
16. What was the last movie you watched?
Cursed, it was pretty good, except for the dumb part with the blonde. lol, I guess that's only appropriate ((I have to concur with Miranda's statement))
17. Favorite day of the year? Christmas, getting to see family.
18. What do you do to vent anger? Cry, write in my blog
19. What was your favorite toy as a child? Haha! My little ponies. I have to agree with Miranda on this one too
20. Fall or Spring? Fall
21. Hugs or kisses? With or without almonds?
22. Cherry or Blueberry?
Blueberry, unless it's real cherries.
23. Do you want your friends to email you back? Sure
24. Who is most likely to respond? don't care
25. Who is least likely to respond? don't care
27. When was the last time you cried? This morning, from hurting so much........
28. What is on the floor of your closet? a hope chest, a bureau, and some boxes
29. Who is the friend you have had the longest? I don't keep friends long usually...but I've been friends with Morgan for a while

30. What did you do last night? went to Wendy's with my mom, my sister, and Marcus, then watched Cursed ((haha, exactly))
31. Favorite smell? Someone just out of the shower, laundry freshly washed and dried
32. What inspires you? People that go way out of their way to help strangers... and my parents, although they fit into the first category too = ) ((Think I'll concur with that one as well))
33. What are you afraid of? Being Alone
34. cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheeeeesy!
35. Favorite car? Honda, or Nissan
36. Favorite dog Breed? No breed, just one dog for me...she died a long time ago and haven't like dogs since.
37. Number of keys on your key ring? ::ppphhhttt:: I've no idea!
38. How many years at your current job? I've worked at Hobby Lobby for a year now, and been a student for almost 6...
39. Favorite day of the week?
40. How many states have you lived in? 3: Florida, Kansas, Oklahoma
41. How many cities have you lived in? 6: Tampa, Wichita, Tulsa, Bartlesville, Owasso, Okmulgee

Little funny thing my dad sent me. I don't necessarily agree, just thought it was funny and creative:

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Another funny from my dad, the title was, "Optical Illusion"((if you can't read it, it says,"Ladies, if you look closely, you might even see the ocean")):
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Thursday, August 11, 2005

It's Painful

--Well...I haven't even finished out the week working 2hrs/day and I'm in so much pain I was in tears by the end of my 2 hours today. My jack-ass manager comes up to me and says, "Oh, you wanna hear some good news? I talked to risk management yesterday and they say I can get you a stool to sit on and then you can work longer shifts." I looked at him incredulously seeing as how I've told him how much pain I'm in. I told him that I'm not so sure about that and that I'd call my doctor. I'm waiting on the verdict. I went and looked at the new schedule....I about passed out. I'm having a hard time keeping on my foot for 10 hours a week....40 hours scheduled next week...I didn't even work 40 hours when I was not hurt, what the hell makes him think I can do that many hours on a broken foot?! He's obviously never had a broken bone before. He's such an asshole, scheduled me to close next saturday even. How the hell am I supposed to close the store when I can't even walk around it? Anywho..being in pain all these last 4 weeks has really made me irritable and cranky and I hate it. I cried in front of my sister's new boyfriend, I cried on my way home from work and I cried at work...I feel like a whiner and a baby. I took everything off of it and's swollen again, how nice. The doc put me on a new medicine called Tramadol. I've never even heard of it, so we'll see how it affects me.
--Just a quick side note..You think you know some people...and you get slapped in the face. I read some e-mails yesterday from someone I thought I knew really well...and it made me want to cry. How can someone you trusted so much, talk so ugly? Makes me sad to think that I chose that badly once again.
--Some bad news, not that I'm chalk full of good news right now and real happy-go-lucky but I felt the need to share. Yesterday I had a really bad day. I woke up really hurting (as if that is a new one); On my way to work I almost got run over by an old dumbass talking on his cell phone and not paying attention to the road, my horn blaring or my little car quickly running out of side road space, that really set me on edge reminding me of the accident I had in Kansas not too long ago, I just knew it was going to happen again (I'm okay, was just shook up); then I come home to find out that one of my online friends was hit by a drunk driver and broke 59 bones, and a good guy friend was attacked on his way home from work, his attackers were dressed in all black and attempted to mugg him, but since he didn't have anything worth taking they beat him. He said it's the worst beating he has ever had. ::shakes her head:: I guess I wasn't the only one having a bad day yesterday. Anyone else have a bad day yesterday August 10th, 2005?

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Damn You Lynlee

Tagged by Lynlee (Thank you for telling me how to link that stuff)

Id•i•o•syn•cra•sy - a structural or behavioral characteristic peculiar to an individual or group. Write down 5 of your own idiosyncrasies. (I won't be able to do the other part, because I don't know 5 other bloggers to tag and would just make me look silly)

I'm only going to do this because I love you...::grumbles::

1) I wear glasses, and I have since I was in 6th grade. They HAVE to be clean at all times. Spots, streaks, doesn't matter, it drives me absolutely nuts.

2) If you know me really well, you know that I can't sleep without my pillow. Yes, I have a woobie. I have had this pillow since I was born, it has gone through many covers, has had stuffing added to it over the years, and has been through many many washings, sleepless nights, stupid boyfriends, and deep depressions that I thought I'd not recover from. It goes almost everywhere with me.

3) When I buy a new C.D., I have to listen to it several times in a row to relieve itself of its newness; However, once the newness is gone I can no longer stand to listen to a song or C.D. more than one time in a row.

4) When driving my car, I always use my blinker. Even if there is no one in sight in any direction but myself. Seems like drivers in Oklahoma have forgotten that the thing is a courtesy to other drivers and that it even exists! Drives me batty, so I have to prove my point by using it.

5) Before going to bed, the front door has to be locked. I live with my mother, father and sister, and we live in a neighborhood out in the Suburbs where everyone knows who you are. The likelihood of our house being broke into is very slim, especially with a Tulsa cop living next door, but I lived in a small apartment all alone in a real shady neighborhood at one time, and the door has to be locked for me to be comfortable. Same goes for my car doors. Whether I am getting in or leaving it, whether it is at home or in the middle of the city, the doors have to be locked.

Something I Just Read

Thought I would share, I thought this was pathetic and I know some people that something like this would relate to:
**Tulsa World Aug 10th**
Man dies after 49 hours of computer games
SEOUL, South Korea (AP) -- A 28-year-old South Korean man died of exhaustion in an Internet cafe after playing computer games non-stop for 49 hours, South Korean police said Wednesday.
Lee, a resident in the southern city of Taegu who was identified only by his last name, collapsed Friday after having eaten minimally and not sleeping, refusing to leave his keyboard while he played the battle simulation game Starcraft.
Lee was quickly moved to a hospital but died after a few hours, due to what doctors are presuming was a heart attack, police said.
Lee had been fired from his job last month because he kept missing work to play computer games, police said.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Over Again...

--I have good news and bad. Good news is: Workman's Comp made me see the doctor for a follow up appointment, to make sure everything's healing okay and such. is healing. He said there is obviously new bone there; however, the bad news is: I have to wear the boot and ace for another 3 weeks...::cry:: Originally I was supposed to wear them for a total of 4 weeks, and it changed to 6. He said that it's healing very slowly and if I'm to return to work, I can only stand for 2 hours and then I have to stay off of it for 30 minutes. I'm supposed to hear back from my manager in the morning to see if he can accommodate a schedule like that. If not, I'm off work for another 3 weeks...Oh Joy. Only good thing about that is that I might get paid at least 70% of my wages from WC. So about $95 a's better than nothing, and sure as the hell better than only 2 hours a day = about $12 which approximates to be about $65 a week.

--My sister, Miranda, has a boyfriend now. He seems really nice. I'm really happy for her. She really likes him, and he really likes her. You's been over 2 years (Feb will be 3), since I had a serious boyfriend. She is single for not even a year and can rake them in like leaves in Fall. She met him off of Yahoo personals, she paid for the services for a month, and met him in less than two days. They have been dating for about a week now. She decided to replace her profile with mine, since she paid already and doesn't want it to go to waste. She said, "If I can find someone in less than 2 days, then chances are good for you too." I said, "You have a lot more going for you. You are more attractive." She looked at me funny and ignored me. My profile has been active for about 2 weeks now, I've sent out interests in other profiles, and not a single return. She is so lucky, I wish she realized how lucky she really is. She constantly thinks she's fat and not pretty. She takes it for granted...
Just to prove my point:
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Don't get me wrong. I don't think I'm ugly. I think I have a sexy demeanor and an attractive personality. Why else would I keep raking in the ones who just want sex? :oP I've come to grips with how I turned out and I was trying to work on it, until I broke my foot. It's just that most people are not interested in a heavily "voluptious" (as my profile says) woman. Not for anything long term.