The Day After

Yesterday I went for my Pessary fitting. SM, the doctor, insisted that the pain I feel has nothing to do with my prolapses. That sex should not hurt or be uncomfortable at all, and if it is, then there is something else wrong. Again I say: How on Earth do you expect a man to understand that your partner's junk pushing against your bladder and banging right up on your cervix actually hurts? How can they understand that your organs hanging down where they aren't supposed to be is uncomfortable and painful? I bet if he had organs hanging out his bum, he'd go get it fixed right away. I just can't take dozens, if not hundreds, of other women's stories of suffering with the same exact problems as total bs and it's sad to me that a physician who's specialty is pelvic floor issues can't understand my complaints...He said that whoever told me that the hyster would fix my pain problem was misleading me, and that the only thing it would fix is mentral cramping pain. To not get my hopes up...

So...now that my rant is over, on to the visit. SM told me that the Pessary is like crutches, it'll be useful until I can get a permanent fix and I can use it until I'm ready. Well..I think that means that the surgery is inevitable, it will eventually need to happen, and this is just prolonging when I have it. He also said that the only reason he doesn't just jump straight into surgery, is because I'm so young and the bladder repair will only last a minimum of 10 years. Well...I'm in the frame of thinking that I just want to get it over with, get healed up, and return to some form of normalcy in my life. Because right now, it is definitely not normal. If I have to have the bladder repair again in 10 years, who knows what will change between now and then. Maybe it will stay in place for the rest of my life, maybe it'll fall again in 5 years, maybe 10 years from now my situation will be different to where I would be more willing to wear a Pessary...who knows? I just want to get this taken care of and put it behind me.

The Pessary itself is...well...uncomfortable. It is difficult to describe, but if you (as a female) were to insert a hard, plastic, rather large tampon and keep it there for a week, that is probably as close as I can come. I started out with a painful pelvic pressure that felt similar to labor pains, but with the Pessary it is a different feeling pressure. Yesterday I had the overwhelming pressure and sensation that I needed to have a BM. Today it's not as bad. I think that I might actually feel a little better, not in so much pain with a different kind of pressure. Hopefully by tomorrow I will feel a bit better, and just keep going up from there. Then I can hopefully get the surgery scheduled when I go back on Wednesday, use the Pessary until I have the surgery, and be on the road to recovery. I really don't want to be in recovery for Thanksgiving and Christmas season...

No Comprehension

I was reading over the forums on HysterSisters, and came across this one. Reading all of these different stories that all sound the same made me really wonder why a doctor, who's main profession is this exact problem, can't believe that I have pain with my prolapses. I can not have been the first woman, to come to this doctor, and tell him that I am experiencing pain...so how come he treated me like I was? There are several others who say their doctors told them the same, but really? If I shouldn't be, then why do I? From all the ladies' stories I've read so far, all of them regretted waiting to do the surgery because the pain they felt from surgery was in pale comparison to the pain they felt from the prolapses and they felt a thousand times better afterwards.

I'm to a point now where I just want to get on with it...I'm tired of all this waiting...

The Beginning (Maybe a bit graphic)

So this is the beginning of a long journey for me. Me and my family have a long road ahead of us. I have been diagnosed with a uterine prolapse, cystocele, and possibly something else prolapsed since my last visit on Thursday. Right now we are looking at a hysterectomy as well as other surgeries to repair the other damaged/falling organs.

One thing that has been a major source of help and comfort is Hysterectomy Support by HysterSisters.com. The wealth of knowledge offered there has really helped me to become comfortable with my decision to have surgery and not other non-surgical options.

Here is the link to my forum post, if anyone is interested in where my question for help started, and all the wonderful ladies that shared their help/advice.

So, to start at the beginning. Monday evening, July 23rd, I was playing at my computer, when I suddenly got a sharp pain in my side. I thought it was maybe constipation, so I took a couple of laxatives and didn't really think anything of it. Later that night/early the next morning, I was awakened by horrible pain in my lower abdomen. While in the bathroom, I felt something drop inside me and not where stuff usually drops. My first thought was, "Omg, I'm in labor and about to have a baby!" I got a mirror, and could see something coming out of me. I freaked out. Roger wanted to take me to the ER. I told him to just go to work, and if anything progressed that I'd call him and then go. After a bit of time, the horrible labor-like pains subsided a touch and I was able to get a little bit of sleep.

I thought I could just wait it out and see, but by Wednesday I couldn't handle the cramping pain I was still having. I called my OB's office to make an appointment and they talked me into making the appt with a different OB in office because my OB was booked. I took the appt and went in. This OB, who we'll call ME, did my exam and told me that I had a uterine prolapse and a cystocele and that I would probably need a hysterectomy to get the pressure off of my bladder, as well as surgery to repair my bladder. At first I was in shock, and cried a lot (My above forum post goes thru all of that). ME gave me the number for a Urogynecologist, which is a doctor that specializes in pelvic floor repair. I called to make an appt with him, and they couldn't get me in until September 5th. I called my OB's office again and told them that I couldn't care for my 20 month old and the pain I have was going to be difficult to deal with for almost 6 weeks. They told me to come back on Monday to get fitted for a Pessary. I have temporarily moved in with my mom, until I can feel comfortable with taking care of my daughter on my own again.

I went in on Monday, July 30th, and frustration city takes place. ME fits me for the wrong type and wrong size pessary, I get tossed back and forth between doctors and nurses to try and figure out what's going on, to end the visit with nothing resolved and everyone frustrated. The office manager finally came to talk to me, apologized for all the trouble, and offered to call *my* OB and get in touch with me once she finds out what Dr.S wants to do with me. As soon as I walked in the door to my mom's house, the office manager called me and told me that Dr.S wants to see me on Wednesday. Dr.S is amazing, as usual, and tells me that she can fit me with a pessary, or we can get an appt with the specialist. I told her I already and an appt, but they couldn't get me in until September. She said that she knows him personally, covers for him sometimes, and can get me in a lot sooner. I say okay. No sooner had I walked into my mom's house, they called to ask me if I could be in his office the next day. "Ask and you shall receive, sister!" she said, lol.

I saw the urogyno, we'll call him SM, and he was...less than warm and cozy. He is also telling me that I shouldn't be having pain. I'm like, okay, but I am...How do you explain to a man that you are having labor-like pains, when they've never and will never experience that kind of pain and pressure? He told me that every woman in the world, if he were to examine them all, would have some form of prolapse, so I am really no different than any other 30 year old...umm...was that supposed to make me feel better? Because it really didn't...

He fitted me with a pessary, and I go back to pick it up Friday. He wants me to try it for about 2 weeks and see if it helps. If it does, and I feel like I can deal with it then I'll go on using it until my prolapses get worse (I guess...because it doesn't fix anything, and I have to take it out frequently...so eventually my problem will get worse). If it does, and I don't feel like I can deal with it, we go for surgery.

When I first found out about getting a hyster, I freaked out...I don't know how strange this sounds, but, having the decision for surgery in my hands makes me feel better about if I do take the surgery option. I feel like *I* am making that decision for myself, not being forced to take that option because I have no other choice. The thought of other women out there who've made the decision and are completely happy with it, is really helping me cope with my own decision.

Saturday evening, I felt a new bulge. My guess is a rectocele, but I called his office to let them know that I think I have something else going on now...Hopefully we get this resolved soon, so I can get a date in mind and how long I am going to have to live with my parents...

Another Birthday

Yep...today is my birthday...I'm 28 today. Now what?
I don't know what else to say...I'm just depressed. I have been for some time, and it's just getting progressive as the year goes on. I'm ready for the year to just go on with it...

Good News

I'm okay!

It's the best news I think I've ever heard. The nurse called me today and told me that all the tests they ran on the polyps and the colon tissue came back normal. No cancer! She said that I won't have to do it again for 10 years, instead of 5, unless I start having problems again.

Yay!

Updates

It's been such a long time since I've written anything...

I want to explain a little.

I've had a lot on my mind with my health...I was dealing with almost daily heartburn, nausea and vomiting, and frequent diarrhea. It was really starting to take a toll on my mental and emotional well being. During one particularly bad spell, my mom finally talked me into seeing a G.I., the one that she saw when she had a tear in her stomach, to see if there was anything actually wrong. I had to call my doctor to get a referral, just for my insurance to cover the visit, then I had to call and make an appointment. It took nearly a month for them to get me in.

I was so afraid of him just telling me what I've heard before, not really listening to what I had to say, and telling me that I'm fine and to get over it...the last time I heard all of that, when I finally got a doctor to listen to me, they diagnosed me with PCOS, so I was slightly vindicated in knowing I was right and the others were wrong; However, I was still afraid of hearing that stuff over again for different reasons.

When I did finally get to see the G.I., he did a quick visit, and then left me and Roger in the room for over an hour. I finally got tired of waiting, left the room and asked the nurse what was going on. She left to ask him what was going on, came back and told me that he was done with me, but didn't tell her, so she didn't know we were ready to go...Great first impression, right? They gave me a medication to try out, and made appointments for upper (endoscopy) and lower (colonoscopy) scopes.

Almost a month later, my appointments were around the corner, and I was totally stressed out and actually scared. It's a minor operation, and I hadn't been put under like that since my tonsils when I was like 4.

So! Up to Wednesday: I had to start a clear liquid diet, with no red dyes. I tell you what...you get real sick of jello when that's pretty much all you can eat! I digress. Starting at 7pm I had to drink 1 Liter of a medication called Moviprep 8 ounces at a time, every 15-20 minutes. It's like a salty version of Pedalyte, and if you've never had that, or don't remember what it tastes like, this Moviprep stuff was sweet and salty with a lemony-like aftertaste, and it was slightly thicker than water. *gags thinking about it* Anywho, it really clears you out. But, if that's not bad enough, 5 hours before the operation/procedure you have to do it all over again! Another Liter, 8 ounces at a time, every 15-20 minutes.

My appointment was scheduled for 10:30am on Thursday, but we had to be there at 9:30am, so I was up at 4:30am drinking the vile stuff again. At this point, I was already cleared out, so I'm just basically flushing the Moviprep straight through. I get checked in and have to wait for about an hour and a half before they take me back, get me changed into the beautiful hospital gown, sit me in a bed, and string me up to an IV with fluids. When they took my blood pressure it was 90-something over 60, which is really low for me, so she gave me some sugar too I think.

Anywho...I sat there, in that bed, by myself until 1pm. They got me prepped and ready by putting me on oxygen and hooking me up to the heart and blood pressure monitor. Last thing I remember is them having me turn on my left side at about 1:30pm and the nurse putting 2 needles into my IV. I woke up at about 3 or 3:30 and my stomach hurting really bad. I was crying and telling them I had to go to the bathroom. They told me I had to wait at least 30 mins before I could go to the bathroom or use a bedpan...I definitely didn't want that, but I thought I was going to pee on myself, on top of being in horrible pain. They were telling me that the pain was the gas that they pumped into the area, and once I pass the gas I'd be fine. I remember trying to pass it, but nothing was moving except my waining ability to hold my bladder in check. They finally let me get up and go to the bathroom, where I finally went pee, and by moving around and getting upright I think allowed me to pass a little of the pressure on my hurting stomach. I think I changed in there too, but I don't really remember much from then. I do remember a few bits and pieces from the procedure, and afterwards...but nothing until after 7pm when Roger woke me up and made me get up to move around a bit and eat something. I hadn't actually eaten anything the entire day, and for the most part all day Wednesday.

The doctor talked to my mom and Roger, because I was in no state to remember much (obviously) and told them that I do have a Hiatal or Hiatus Hernia, which was causing my upper G.I. issues, but they also found two polyps in my colon as well. He removed them, and sent them for testing (biopsy) and I'm to call back in about 5 days to make sure they weren't dangerous. I will have to do this every 5 years or so, to keep up on them, and to make sure I stay clean (ugh!). It's genetic, and if I have them, it's likely that others in my family do too...So, minor lecture *gets on her soapbox*: Get tested! It's a horrible experience, and I'm dreading having to do it again in 5 years..but it sure beats the alternative! *gets off her soapbox*

I'm so glad that I now have a reason for my problems, and with medication, it can be controlled. Hopefully the biopsy results are negative, and I'll be able to rest peacefully again (I hope!). I'm sorry I've been so distant..but I've been dealing with a lot on my mind, and I just don't like to sit and do this when I'm like that, because I ramble and don't feel better afterwards. When I get to this type of mind frame, writing about it actually makes me feel better.

On a different note, me and my family went to Turner Falls for the weekend of Father's day, and we had a lot of fun. If you want to see pics, look at my Myspace page's albums: Turner Falls 2009 (<--dunno if that link works, but I'll try it) We got some good ones!

Second Anniversary

Can you believe it? I sure can't. We've really been married for two years. It's strange though, because it feels like we've been together longer.

His grandmother gave him some money to take me out with, so we treated ourselves to Golden Corral, hehe. We are both stressing a little over money, so we didn't do any gift exchanges.

We visited a Red Box and rented Mirrors and Babylon A.D. after dinner. Mirrors wasn't bad, and B.A.D. was just strange...I think they forgot to add the ending...

but anywho, second anniversary is supposed to be cotton, traditionally, and he says we'll just rain check it for now. We'll see what he comes up with, hehehe.

Overall, it was a good day.