Life and Stress
I haven't actually posted in over two weeks because of life taking it's turn with me. Classes started, and I somehow enrolled myself in a fast fasttrack class..if I had known what I was doing, I would have thought twice about it. It's a 16-week class crammed into 4 weeks ::sighs:: called Special Ed. Then I'm taking another class, Reading, that is also a 16-week course not so crammed into 8 weeks. Those plus work has been keeping me on my toes. Keeping up with the homework, papers, reading and such has always been difficult for me while trying to squeeze in working. So, because of all of that I am stressing out about grades and not having enough money like I think I need.
Well...to top all of that off, Roger's grandmother is having some major health issues. When I first met Roger, his GM was battling breast cancer. She went through all the treatments, and actually got it into remission. Now she is having major heart issues...her heart is beating up to 120+ beats per minute when a normal average is 60 or so. She's been dealing with extremely low blood pressure, despite any meds they put her on, and what her heart is doing, is beating 2 beats instead of one to try to even out her blood pressure. That is causing her heart to become extremely weak. Basically, her heart is beating like she is in constant excercise...her doctor is so worried about her heart being so weak that she went in this morning to have a defibulator put in her chest. This is all worrying Roger to death, but being the boy that he is, he won't release that worry or even the fear he's feeling about the possibility of her not making it through all of this. I love him so much, and his grandparents are the only thing I can relate to as family for him in place of parents...I don't know how many of you know that he doesnt' have parents. Both were murdered, his mother at age 2 and is father before he graduated high school. So I care deeply for his grandparents as if they are my own, and it is really hard for me right now. I've only lost one of my own, my Opa, but I was too young to really remember. So I'm having to shoulder the fear and worry for both myself and Roger and it's just been really stressful for and hard on me.
Well...to top all of that off, Roger's grandmother is having some major health issues. When I first met Roger, his GM was battling breast cancer. She went through all the treatments, and actually got it into remission. Now she is having major heart issues...her heart is beating up to 120+ beats per minute when a normal average is 60 or so. She's been dealing with extremely low blood pressure, despite any meds they put her on, and what her heart is doing, is beating 2 beats instead of one to try to even out her blood pressure. That is causing her heart to become extremely weak. Basically, her heart is beating like she is in constant excercise...her doctor is so worried about her heart being so weak that she went in this morning to have a defibulator put in her chest. This is all worrying Roger to death, but being the boy that he is, he won't release that worry or even the fear he's feeling about the possibility of her not making it through all of this. I love him so much, and his grandparents are the only thing I can relate to as family for him in place of parents...I don't know how many of you know that he doesnt' have parents. Both were murdered, his mother at age 2 and is father before he graduated high school. So I care deeply for his grandparents as if they are my own, and it is really hard for me right now. I've only lost one of my own, my Opa, but I was too young to really remember. So I'm having to shoulder the fear and worry for both myself and Roger and it's just been really stressful for and hard on me.
posted by Amanda at 1:52 PM
3 Comments:
I'm sorry things are so stressful for you right now. I hope it all gets better for you both soon.
Give Roger a big hug for me. (And feed him some chocolate, it tends to put women in a good mood at least for a little while)
I miss you! Come back and visit me soon!
::hugs you tight::
I'm keeping Grandma in my thoughts and prayers that she makes it through having the defibrillator put in and that it helps bring her heart rate down where it should be.
Boys express their worries and fears in different ways, and they DO eventually get expressed. It took my dad a while to express himself when my sister died, and even then it was only around my mom. My brother was the same -- he only cried on the phone with our cousin, and it relieved his roommate no end because Nate was so worried that P hadn't cried.
I know you want to be there for Roger, but make sure you have someone to be there for YOU, too. I'll email you my number so you can give me a ring if you need someone to talk to. When I find out it's you, I'll call you right back so you won't have to spend anything on the call (since I know $$$ is tight right now). I have long-distance included in my cell plan, and free nights after 7:00 and free weekends.
Thank you all so much...your support means the world to me right now.
Stacey: I would love to come back and visit you right now...but that is just not going to be in the cards. Our lease is up in August...so we've got to think about what we want to do next.
D: ::hugs you back:: Thank you...your concern means a lot to me. So far, the only way he expressed it was being angry, and then super cuddly and wanting nothing but me to sleep on. What cell plan do you have? I'm with Cingular, and after 7pm I get unlimited nights and weekends.
E: I've always had most of my family and they're all very very supportive for me...I don't know what I would have done, or where I'd be now without them. I just hope that they'll help replace that hole for him.
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